Mother-in-law’s shoes

If you are in the relationship in the second cycle of your life (beginning at the age of 49) you enter into
the unsolved aspects of your husband’s (partner’s) relationship with his parent or parents. If the man has
not been satiated with his mother then he may redirect his unfulfilled needs to you.

What does it mean do be satiated with mother?

It means to consciously acknowledge both the light and the dark sides of the relationship with the mother.
To acknowledge that the mother supported his development in the strong and authentic manner. To
acknowledge the insatiation in the relationship with the mother, the disappointments and areas where
mother’s love was conditional and not full. The mother’s conditional love towards her child may have
been the result of the overburdening, disappointment with the marriage, working like a slave and the
inability to express the love or to accept the child.

If the man has not acknowledged the process of separation with his own mother, then he will, most likely,
transfer his need onto his wife, either consciously or subconsciously. This may manifest in his desire for
the wife to fulfill his needs in a certain way he needs then to be fulfilled or in redirection of his needs in
such way that the woman will get his whole grief and unworked bitterness towards his mother.

In this situation the man thinks that women are mean, greedy and repulsive. Yet often the mother is
outside the man’s analysis, she is either idealised or rejected from the spectrum of the possibilities. In
both cases


If the woman has separated from her mother correctly she will not allow to be put into “the mothers-in-
law’s shoes”. She will not try to artificially and excessively satisfy her starved for love husband, she may

cook him a sweet meal but she will not sacrifice herself. The woman will not be either better or worse
than her mothers-in-law, she will not be baited into proving herself to the mother-in-law.


The woman will be herself, will not agree to be compared and will not enter the role of a begrudging
aggressor, neither will not enter the role of a sorrowful, unfulfilled, undeveloped, inconsolable and
complacent person. Most often then not, we are or are going to be daughters-in-law.
During the workshop women of different ages, at different stages of the relationship may work. We marry
also our mothers-in-law.
Men interested in building a healthy marriage and separating correctly from the mother may also work.


Teresa Ossowska