The message "It's all in your head" is actually good news, because it usually means that it is not our body's organs that are ill.
There's a danger that the client might feel offended or embarrassed by the doctor's statement. Neither of them fosters self-interest, deep self-care, and the pursuit of psychotherapy. An attitude of self-respect helps to engage deeply in the process of psychotherapy.
However, usually, when people decide to participate in psychotherapy, they are already not in a comfortable situation.
Nowadays, we know a lot about how symptoms of illnesses, such as headaches, earaches, migraines, allergies, bronchial tube conditions, pneumonia, skin infections, circulatory disorders, sleep disorders, chronic fatigue, cystitis, etc., are associated with emotions we experience in excess or with emotions we are unaware of.
Sometimes these are the emotions of our loved ones. The accumulation of such emotions leads us to believe that our ears or bronchi are diseased. Medical tests may not confirm these feelings, as they indicate that the organ is healthy.
Examples from Clinical Experience
Example I: Fainting
A 40-year-old married woman had been pregnant several times, none of which she carried to term. Later, she experienced near-fainting episodes, nearly losing consciousness. For this reason, she consulted a neurologist and underwent the necessary medical tests, but the fainting spells persisted. Finally, the doctor said, "It's all in your head; you should come to terms with the loss of your children." After two months, the fainting spells stopped.
Example II: Recurrent Cystitis
A 45-year-old woman had suffered from cystitis several times. Her internist recommended a gynecological consultation. During the gynecological examination, the doctor asked, "Is your partner affectionate, gentle, or the opposite?" The woman was surprised by the doctor's remark but realized that her marriage lacked tenderness and attention. She began psychotherapy and became aware of the situation in her marriage; the cystitis disappeared from her life.
Example III: Infections with High Fever and Vomiting
A 9-year-old boy had been frequently ill since the beginning of the school year. He had a high fever and vomiting. When the boy was sick, he didn't attend school. It turned out that the boy was ill when he had classes with the teacher who terrified him. On the advice of doctors, the parents consulted a psychologist. During family therapy, it was discovered that the teacher strongly reminded the boy of his uncle (his father's brother), who made fun of the boy, mocking his appearance and behavior. This was his way of expressing his anger towards his brother (the boy's father).
Example IV: Ear Infections
A 10-year-old boy had been suffering from recurrent ear infections for two years. The ear infection was combined with tonsillitis. The source of this symptom was his grandmother (his father's mother) speaking negatively about the boy's mother. Every time the boy was sick, the woman felt very helpless and believed the child had a weakened immune system. When the mother addressed the issues with the relationship with her mother-in-law during psychotherapy, her son's ear infections subsided.
Example V: Exhaustion, Difficulty Concentrating
A 14-year-old girl woke up exhausted, couldn't get out of bed in the morning, found it difficult to concentrate on schoolwork, and was experiencing increasingly poor grades. The solution to this situation was for the parents to see their older 18-year-old son coming home after using drugs. It was difficult for the parents to realize that their beloved child, of whom they were so proud, was using drugs. This took them two years of therapeutic work. From that point on, the daughter's condition and well-being continued to improve.
Example VI: Upper Respiratory Infections
A 19-year-old girl experienced recurring shortness of breath and upper respiratory infections. The shortness of breath could be intense, periodically making the teenager's functioning very difficult. The parents came to family therapy. During therapy, it became clear that the parents had several unresolved issues concerning their marital relationship; however, they stubbornly avoided raising or discussing them. The marriage experienced a crisis when the husband left the family to be with another woman. When the husband returned to the family, the conflict within the couple was swept under the rug. Whenever the spouses became angry with each other, their relationship became strained, and the teenager experienced upper respiratory tract problems and bronchitis. She experienced her parents' arguments as a precursor to the loss of her family. The primary pattern of this conflict in this family was the experience of her great-grandfather, who, as a teenager, experienced a life-threatening moment when he was physically attacked.
The examples described involved difficult family situations, such as difficulty conceiving and giving birth to a child, marital problems, difficulties in the relationship between the brothers, difficulties in the relationship with the mother-in-law, the suspicion that the son was using drugs, and the teenager's recurrent bronchitis. All of these situations were highly threatening. The woman in Example 1 was very afraid that she would not be able to have children of her own and that her husband would leave her.
In Example 2, the woman was threatening when she realized her husband's/partner's true feelings for her. In Example 3, the boy's father avoided confrontation with his brother.
In Example 4, the woman was threatening when she realized her mother-in-law's aggression and resentment towards her. In Example 6, both parents experienced intense, recurring fears of their family falling apart as children and teenagers.
These examples revealed the accumulation of many difficult, unexpressed feelings within the families. In some situations, difficulties in expressing feelings have been present for generations. The accumulation of these difficulties in families is not accidental; such a family needs to seek outside help to overcome these difficulties.
Chronic illnesses, such as those described above, "are in the client's head" and can be eased with appropriate psychological work.
Prepared by
Teresa Ossowska
Małgorzata Krupińska
