Illness is always an important message regarding our life situation. Our soul tells us: "Now you can address the issues that concern your organs, bronchi, abdomen, and colon. Previously, you were preoccupied with survival. Now is the time to address what has accumulated in your internal organs." In the case of cancer, the psychological conflict surrounding the disease remains unresolved. We say that the disease of this organ recurs and is a chronic illness.
Someone becomes ill, then feels better, then falls ill again, but does not fully return to their original state of equilibrium. We understand such a situation in two main ways:
- The person has not resolved the conflict underlying, for example, bronchitis.
- The conflict underlying bronchitis occurred in the previous generation among their ancestors.
When a psychological conflict remains unresolved for a prolonged period, the body either produces more cells or reduces their number. We are talking about resolving the conflict at the biological level. When a person feels significantly worse, they seek help from a doctor. And the doctor confirms a suspicion of cancer.
From a biological perspective, this means that a person receives a more efficient organ to function despite an unresolved psychological problem. At this point, the psychological conflict can still be resolved, and the diseased organ can return to normal functioning. However, resolving a psychological conflict is possible under certain conditions:
- One must be aware that a significant psychological need underlies the deterioration of physical well-being. The average person is unaware that their health is linked to their emotions.
- It is best to have prior experience recovering from illness through one's own internal work.
- It is essential not to be alone in the internal work on the psychological conflicts behind cancer.
It happens that 75-90% of people react with intense anxiety to the mere possibility of cancer. These anxiety states intensify, and the person panics. This is known as diagnostic conflict, meaning that the increased anxiety resulting from a medical diagnosis begins to cause even quicker proliferation of cancer cells. People interpret this situation as cancer development and a sign of impending death. It's very difficult to cope with anxiety at this stage of the disease.
Examples
I. A 40-year-old client has two children. As a child, she felt that her parents favored her brother and cared about his education. She had to take care of her own education, with the help of a neighbor who advised her on which school to choose and supported her during academic crises. She married a man who cared more about others than his own family. Her husband enjoyed drinking with friends and family, which meant that the client had to organize and prepare these gatherings. After a dozen or so years of marriage, the woman developed kidney disease, which required hospitalization.
When the woman was admitted to the hospital, she was exhausted. She was diagnosed with kidney dysfunction. She was unaware that her suppressed fear and anger toward her husband were damaging her kidneys.
After several years, the woman was diagnosed with uterine cancer. She became the center of family attention and was treated with chemotherapy.
Psychotherapy can, in similar cases, reduce the fear of cancer and reduce the psychological costs of this situation for the entire family. It can help plan cancer prevention for women in this family to effectively cope with the fear of uterine cancer.
II. A young, beautiful woman was unable to marry the man she wanted. She married a man her father approved of and who came from a so-called respectable family.
In this respectable family, siblings were fiercely competitive in their life achievements. The husband was constantly dissatisfied with his professional achievements. The marriage entered a phase of latent resentment and quiet despair. The man dominated the woman, and the woman's hidden anger and suppression manifested itself as ovarian cancer. The woman underwent chemotherapy but unfortunately died before completing treatment. In this family, the psychological challenge behind the ovarian cancer was the woman's feeling of being stifled in her femininity.
III. A 55-year-old man was beaten as a child by his alcoholic father. He received his education with the help of welfare. The man displayed murderous aggression towards other children. He partially transferred this aggression to his own children, to whom he was a tyrant. He redirected a significant portion of the aggression towards himself. He developed stomach cancer, the tumors were removed, and at this stage of treatment, the man did not require chemotherapy. The unresolved aggressive conflict towards himself caused the stomach cancer to metastasize to other organs. For him, chemotherapy was required. An unresolved aggressive conflict, occurring across generations, most often results in a neoplastic lesion.
In the cases described above, the psychological conflict lasted a long time. If a similar psychological conflict had occurred in the family in the previous generation, the cancer had a more severe course.
All the described cases concern irreplaceable individuals who sacrificed themselves for others, neglected their own needs, and felt responsible for other family members.
In the process of excessive effort and sacrifice, however, a moment of frustration comes. The pattern of self-sacrifice ceases to be so rewarding.
Aggression and dissatisfaction are ultimately directed against themselves: "I will destroy myself if there is no love or attention for me. I will damage myself if my dedication, my overwork is not appreciated or even noticed. No one notices what I want to do for my mother, father, or family. No one even respects me for what I do. No one sees my love for others, no one notices how much I need this love myself." In families, individuals functioning in this way play the role of a rescuer seeking solutions, of a hero. What heals the pattern of self-sacrifice and self-abandonment is the realization of the family situation. A sense of family reality is an awareness of what's actually happening in this particular family. It's an awareness that some are loved more and others less, and not denying it. It's an awareness that some are less talented, others more, and that they all belong to the same family. For example, a woman must stop noticing her sister's aggression directed at her so that she can feel loved by her sister. If a woman saw her sister's aggression toward her adequately, she wouldn't feel loved by her sister. However, if she doesn't see the aggression that's actually happening, she simultaneously allows her sister's aggression to damage her. If this is the next generation in which aggression between sisters is denied, the less aggressive sister may develop cancer.
If the self-sacrificing person is more emotionally attached to their mother, they are more likely to sacrifice for their own family. If, on the other hand, a self-sacrificing person is more closely connected to their father, they are more likely to sacrifice themselves in their professional life. They might work as a doctor who is extremely devoted to their clients or as a therapist who has no personal life because they are constantly busy with their clients.
Cancer is much more common in families where unrealistic, exaggerated expectations were placed on their members. Such individuals had to make amends, compensate for their family situation, and improve their social situation.
A self-sacrificing person internalizes these expectations for themselves. A person with a pattern of self-sacrifice cannot imagine achieving lasting satisfaction and fulfillment in any other way than through self-sacrifice.
At the moment of cancer diagnosis, the psychological situation of these individuals changed radically. Suddenly, they were the center of family attention due to their health, receiving support from many family members simultaneously. The illness relieved them of responsibility for their previously burdensome relationships.
In the first example, the woman was perceived by members of her extended family as very hospitable, efficient, and well-liked by the entire family. No one, including the woman, noticed how exhausted she was from throwing parties and constantly serving the family, or how frustrated she was in her marriage. The illness meant that the woman had no one else to care for but herself, no longer having to confront her own anger toward her husband or his aggression toward her.
In Example 2, the woman was considered very independent by her family members. She could clean her married brother's apartment and cook a lavish dinner in a matter of hours. No one, including herself, saw how weak and stifled she was in her marriage.
In Example 3, the man felt a great responsibility to care for his mother and adult siblings, who were less well off financially than he was. Cancer allowed the man to reduce his high level of aggression toward his parents and alcoholic father. Helping his family members brought him relief and solace. No one, including himself, saw the extent of his own aggression.
In these examples, there was no room for the personal needs of the individuals in question. All of the individuals had high levels of suppressed aggression and were under pressure from their surroundings and family.
A proper diet for someone with cancer is an equally important factor in recovery. People who eliminate various foods from their diet, such as those suffering from orthorexia, may have a significantly lower chance of recovering from cancer.
Chemotherapy and psychotherapy should complement each other. For some people, the decision to begin chemotherapy will be more difficult. They fear helplessness, physical pain, and dependence on medical personnel. For others, psychotherapy and overcoming their own fears and blockages will be more difficult.
It can be difficult to recognize during psychotherapy that a partnership/marriage is empty, that the woman is more of a housewife and mother than a partner. It takes courage to decide that one partner wants to leave the relationship. Sometimes, recognizing that a partner lacks respect for the other person in the relationship or is simply hostile requires enormous courage. Perhaps the greatest courage requires recognizing one's own aggression toward a partner or the fact that we are acting unfairly. If we consciously see our lives, cancer will not have to help us.
